Here I Go Again
by Sheen Rox
Summary: Harry's just made the biggest decision of his life, he's about to leave his home, his friends and all those he cares about for a dangerous and terrifying new journey but first he has to say goodbye to the three most important people in his life....


Hey, I wonder if anyone out there remembers my fics and me. I haven't written anything in ages even though I promised I would, I know it's the oldest excuse ever but I've seriously been very busy and I suppose I haven't had any ideas for any fics.

Anyway, this is just a one-shot I came up with a while ago and I thought I should write it, it didn't take me too long and I'm a bit rusty at writing considering I haven't written for ages. It is of course a Harry/Cho pairing but in some ways it's Post-HBP. It's supposed to be set at the end of Harry's 6th year but as you'll see the story doesn't fit with what happens in HBP. I hope you understand, the story stands alone really, it doesn't really have much to do with the later books, hopefully you'll understand once you've read it.

Right, enough from me. I hope you like it, please review and let me know if it's any good, I may be persuaded to write another chapter if enough people think I should, whatever your comments please let me know, thanks.

* * *

The sky outside the dormitory window was darkening, scarlet, magenta and flaming orange from the sunset were fading to a dull blue as night began to engulf Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. 

Harry Potter sat on the windowsill, gazing intently at the grounds below. He analysed every ripple on the surface of the great lake, memorised every rustle of the trees in the light summer breeze, treasuring every inch of the place he'd called home for so long, for these were the last moments of Harry's life here at Hogwarts…

He checked his watch, the glowing, digital display read 21:16, less than 45 minutes Harry thought, the anguish in his heart growing stronger with each passing minute.

Two parcel's lay on Harry lap, enclosed roughly in brown paper, they felt like a dead weight on his legs, as if they were made of lead, he touched the coarse paper lightly with the tip of his wand, his fingers barely grasping the wood, and whispered an incantation, barely audible above his own shallow breathing. The larger of the two parcels disappeared instantaneously, but a quick brush with his fingers assured Harry that it was still there, simply veiled by an enchantment for the time being.

He turned to the second package almost having second thoughts about sending it; he bit his lip and gradually brought his wand down to touch the smaller parcel. He uttered the same incantation and the second parcel also vanished, then he continued with a another spell and when he took his wand away the parcel was gone from his lap, he hoped indistinctly that it had reached the correct destination.

He stood up slowly and heavily, crossing to one of the four-poster beds and placing the remaining invisible package on the velvety, thick covers, finally he pulled a slightly crumpled letter out of his jeans' pocket and placed it with the package before concealing that too.

These jobs done he sat back on the windowsill pulling his knees up to his chest, like a frightened child. His breathing was now catching in his throat and his eyes were swimming with tears he'd fought back for days, his vision blurred and he blinked as the salty tears began to fall, staining his previously pallid cheeks to deep red.

The depression that had threatened to overwhelm him for the past few weeks finally spilled over, the tears fell relentlessly, an everlasting waterfall with his heart at the source. For 6 years Hogwarts had been his true home, the one place he truly belonged, amongst magic, amongst his friends, his teachers and even his enemies were part of Hogwarts and part of him. But now he had to leave it all behind, he didn't know when, where or even if he'd see his friends again, he was saying goodbye to those he loved in what felt like the worst way possible.

Harry didn't know how long he sat there, draining out his emotions until he felt he had nothing left to give. Eventually he gingerly got to his feet, brushing the remaining stray tears from his eyes, though the pain in his heart still remained he knew he had to leave now, he composed himself, running his fingers through his unkempt hair and rubbing his bloodshot eyes, he pushed his wand up his sleeve and opened the dormitory door with a soft click.

He descended the stone staircase almost noiselessly, the common room was still fairly full, a lot of Gryffindor's seemed to have homework on their minds, and others were merely chatting amicably, playing card games or reading. Harry envied their almost effortless lives, he wished he could drift along as they did, simply part of the crowd at Hogwarts, enjoying their childhoods.

Ron and Hermione waved him over as he appeared from the shadows of the stairwell, he mustered an indistinct smile and walked toward them, hoping his sorrow wasn't obvious in his face.

"Where've you been?" Ron asked as Harry sat down heavily in one of the deep, soft armchairs, then he took a closer look and said: "You look pretty terrible mate…" A look of unease passed through his eyes and Harry felt an emotional stab of pain in his heart, he looked to Hermione and then looked away almost immediately, her anxiety was even more evident. His friend's cared so much about him, how was he going to go through with this?

"Yeah, are you ok?" Hermione asked uncertainly. Harry didn't look directly at her, instead he stretched his smile as far as he could without it looking too strained and nodded.

"I'm fine, I fell asleep in the dormitory, only just woken up." The lie slipped through his lips before he'd really thought about it, when had it become this easy to keep things from his best friends? His friends' faces soften slightly although Harry saw Hermione cast occasional apprehensive looks at him as they settled into light conversation that Harry tried to be involved in.

The minutes slipped by painfully swiftly and Harry knew he had to leave soon, his watch now read 21:43, less than 20 minutes. He forced himself to stand the effort seemingly unbearable. How long would it be until he saw his friends again? How long until they would spend time together again, talking, sharing stories? How long until Harry could sit with the ones he loved the most and laugh with them light-heartedly about how Neville had accidentally cast a spell at Professor McGonagall which had made her grow a tail? The burden was like a dead weight on his shoulders and on his heart.

"I'm just going for a walk in the grounds for half an hour, I still feel a bit groggy," Harry said, wondering how he'd managed to force the words out of his mouth. His friends nodded, looking at him slightly sceptically but in a troubled way more than anything else. Harry took one last lingering look at the two of them before dragging his gaze away setting his sights on the portrait hole. One last glance around the common room and he was striding purposefully toward the exit, he pushed the painting side with much more force than was necessary and almost jumped through the hole into the hazily lit corridor.

Harry almost ran down the stretch of corridor in front of him until he'd turned the corner, once out of sight of the portrait he stopped, resting against the cold, stone wall breathing heavily. His breathlessness caused mostly by the determination he was forced to muster to keep himself moving rather than the physical exertion needed to cross the common room and one hallway.

Tears clawed at the back of his eyes once more but he took slow deep breaths, biting back his grief. Surely the hard part was over, he'd said a silent goodbye to his best friends, making the ultimate sacrifice, and now all he had to do was cover the remaining distance to the Entrance Hall and down to the shores of the great lake.

He closed his eyes momentarily, but almost immediately snapped them open again when all he envisioned were Ron and Hermione's faces as he saw them for the possibly the last time, for it was possible that he would never return. That he would never see his friends again. The thought was too much to abide, the burden upon him weighed more intensely on his heart than ever before, his body felt crushed, his soul broken, his heart bleeding and torn.

Harry walked on, monotonously navigating the corridors he knew like the back of his hand, lantern light flickered along the seemingly sinister stone walls, casting ominous shadows. Harry's footsteps echoed eerily, the sound extra amplified when he stepped into the Entrance Hall, it's high ceiling towering above him.

The door creaked almost unbearably piercingly as Harry step outside, a cool summer breeze greeting his cheeks that were still stinging with salt from his tears. Harry looked up into the inky night sky, the stars shone vibrantly in the abyss above him, the universe dwarfing him, he was such a microscopic part of this earth and beyond, and yet he felt like the fate of the world rested upon his shoulders.

Tonight was the beginning of a journey that could lead to his death and consequently to the death of thousands of others, or it could lead to his victory over the most power dark wizard the world had ever seen, whichever outcome came to pass, Harry knew his life would never be the same, if he returned everything would be different, his friends older, more mature, they would have jobs, families, other friends, would they even remember the Harry Potter they'd known here at Hogwarts? Would they forget him in time?

The sandy bank of the great lake was beneath Harry's feet now, his trainers sinking slightly into the damp shore, he sat down slowly on the grass, gazing continually over the charcoal lake. The grass felt soft and moist under his coarse hands, the air fresh on his burning cheeks.

His watched bleeped twice, 22:00…He heard soft footsteps behind him, delicate and almost soundless, he knew who it must be.

'_Time to say one last goodbye, you might never come back' _

The words echoed so deafeningly in Harry's ears he thought he must have said them aloud. But the headmaster didn't comment, so perhaps his mind was just playing vindictive tricks on him Harry thought as he stood and turned to face the figure who was about to haul him away from his old life and make him start an almost completely new one.

Dumbledore stood just a few feet from Harry, his face dark and ashen in the moonlight, his eyes held none of their usual sparkle, his face none of it's usual deep thinking intellect and superiority, but he smiled at Harry, with empathy rather than contentment, his piercing blue eyes boring into Harry's soul, reading his feelings like a book.

"Are you ready Harry?"

* * *

It was almost midnight, the common room was almost empty, the embers of the fire were slowly losing their friendly glow, the common room darkened as night crept across the castle. 

Two figures still sat up, a troubled silence enveloped them, consuming the whole room, casting an aura of great anxiety around them. Ron looked worriedly at Hermione for the sixteenth time in the past half hour before finally deciding to break the silence:

"Do you think we should go look for him?" he asked tentatively, knowing the logical answer before he'd asked, but wanting to break the agonizing tension. Hermione was silent for a few moments before speaking:

"We wouldn't find him, he could be anywhere," her voice was shaky with fretfulness; tears threatened to over power her. Harry often went walking alone, but he was usually back by now, she didn't know what to do.

"Maybe we should go bed, he'll probably be back in the morning." Ron suggested trying to sound comforting and reassuring, though he knew nothing he could say would stop Hermione worrying. She nodded apathetically, she no longer cared what, specifically, they did, she was too overcome with worry, perhaps sleep would calm her down, though the though of her cold, four-poster was uninviting and lonely, she knew she would be engulfed by a sleepless, anxious night, but what else could she do?

Slowly they ascended the staircase, their footsteps exhausted on the stone steps. They said their goodnights when they reached the dormitories, only half registering what they were doing, both were too fatigued and engrossed in their own thoughts to record what was happening, they were just going through the motions.

Ron glimpsed at the lightly snoring figures in their four-posters, yearning to be one of them, so he could sleep as fitfully as them tonight. He gazed nonchalantly around the dormitory until his eyes fell one his own bed and he had to blink to persuade himself he wasn't seeing things. Sitting on his duvet was a distorted, brown tinted silhouette; Ron's senses slowly began to return and he took a few steps forward, the entity was slowly becoming more opaque, it seemed to be a package of some kind, wrapped in brown paper, seemingly waiting for him to open it.

Ron approached suspiciously, his parents has always warned him of the dangers of enchanted objects, especially if he didn't know where they'd come from or who'd put them there. His watch bleeped twice…midnight…the package was absolute now, he stood over it, a letter balanced on top of it with the words '_Ron and Hermione' _printed in a handwriting style Ron knew all too well.

'_Harry…' _he thought to himself.

Seeing that is was addressed to both himself and Hermione he hastily crossed to the old, oak door again and opened it, he could see Hermione's shadow turning the corner toward her dormitory, he softly called her name, the shadow stopped, hesitated and then turned back toward him. Hermione's face was mystified as she drew closer to Ron, but he simply beckoned her inside, like a ghost she wordlessly crossed the threshold and followed Ron to the four-poster.

They sat down on Ron's bed and she took the letter as he picked up the parcel and began to cautiously and apprehensively remove the wrapping. Hermione peeled open the enveloped and pulled out the yellowing parchment. The letter was comparatively short but a momentary glance made Hermione's throat constrict and tears develop in her eyes, she blinked them back feverishly, swallowing hard and placing the letter between herself and Ron so they could both read it.

Words leapt out of the page like a knife to the heart, flinging them deeper into desolation with every line. Through gathering tears and heartache Hermione managed to comprehend that Harry had left Hogwarts forever just two hours ago, he didn't say where he was going, just that for the protection of Hogwarts and it's students he had to leave. Alone.

The tears fell properly now, intermingling with the ink, making it run and distort as they read the last few lines of the letter. Neither could believe what was happening, Harry was gone…their best friend for nearly 6 years and now they might never see him again. They'd started the struggle against Voldemort together; they'd helped each other through every battle, no matter what, Ron and Hermione had always been the ones by Harry's side but now Harry had gone to conclude the war single-handedly.

Ron sat it shock, solitary tears falling from his eyes whilst Hermione sobbed her heart out next to him, as if trying to dissolve the letter and all it stood for in a river of her grief. She desperately tried to wipe the tears away and picked up the partially unwrapped parcel, she let the object fall onto the bed with a soft thud, is was a book of some kind, Hermione and Ron looked vaguely confused for a moment, the front was blank, no indication as to what was inside, so Hermione open the front cover and saw simply the words:

Ron and Hermione 

Printed there in Harry's scruffy but individual handwriting, Hermione blinked back more tears and turned the page quickly. It soon became clear that this was a photo album, page after page of smiling and waving pictures. Harry, Ron and Hermione stood together always laughing and joking, the happiest years of their lives preserved in a few precious photographs.

Salty tears fell strongly now from both friends, gentle splashing sounds on the smooth plastic covering before they rolled away only to be followed by more.

Harry had evidently chosen these photographs and put together the album himself, each one representing another chapter in their friendship, there were ones going back to their first year, taken after their first run in with danger, the troll in the girls toilets, the event from which the foundations of their friendship had been formed.

Everything from first year up to sixth, showing how their friendship has progressed, strengthened and deepened throughout their years at Hogwarts. There were pictures of them with Sirius, Lupin, Ron's family and even Dobby was depicted in one or two. Each photo showed a happy time in their lives, whether it was at the Quidditch World Cup, Hogsmede, or having snowball fights at Christmas time they were always smiling and laughing.

It occurred to Hermione that this perhaps didn't show a truthful story of the past six years; thinking back there had been many difficult times for the trio, especially over the most recent years. There had been constant complications and difficulties, painful memories were prominent in Hermione's mind, the ascent of Voldemort and the loss of Sirius had made their lives much more difficult and put up obstacles in their friendship but together they had managed to overcome them.

Neither Ron nor Hermione had expected it to end this way, with only a book of photographs and their own memories to remember their best friend by. For _if_ he returned from this battle unquestionably he would be a different human being to the one they'd known and loved so much.

Slowly Hermione closed the book and looked at Ron, silently he placed an arm around her shoulder, offering what comfort he could to her broken heart as she wept into his shoulder…for the loss of their best friend.

* * *

In the female, 7th year, Ravenclaw dormitory silence echoed in Cho Chang's ears, she had been trying to sleep for the past hour but so far relaxation and drowsiness deserted her, she had been tossing and turning all night and had begun to abandon all hope of rest that night. Now she lay entirely still, gazing through a gap in the curtains at the luminously shimmering moon, something within Cho felt uneasy, anxious as if something was happening in Hogwarts tonight that would deeply affect her life. 

She sat up suddenly, pushing stray strands of hair from her chocolate brown eyes and sighing quietly into the intense silence. As she looked blankly about the darkened dormitory something caught her eye on the dresser opposite her four-poster. In perplexity but curiosity she got inaudibly out of bed and crossed to the dresser. A small brown package sat on the smooth wooden surface, a yellowing parchment envelope resting on top.

Cho picked up the envelope, to her surprise it read:

Cho Chang 

In a hand that was very familiar though she couldn't imagine why Harry Potter had placed a package for her on her dresser. She wondered vaguely how he had managed to get it up to her dormitory and how it had escaped her attention until now.

She gently picked up the package and sat down on the floor resting it on the cushioned carpet. She carefully inspected it, looking for any clue as to what it was. Finding none she turned her attention to the envelope, picking it up tentatively and peeled it open silently. The parchment inside was folded very small, about half the size of her palm. She unfolded the paper gradually; the note was short and written in Harry's characteristic, scruffy handwriting, the words were simple but they struck a chord in Cho's heart, though they seemed almost nonsensical, they had a meaning deeper than Cho could explain:

I don't know what to say, 

_I only know it hurts,_

_To see the only one I loved slowly fade away._

_Maybe this time, I'll speak the words of truth,_

_What am I so afraid of?_

_This might be my last chance, to tell you that I love you._

_Here I go again…_

Without realising it Cho was sobbing, silent tears sliding down her cheeks, the words hit her with unimaginable force, their power was almost unbearable. Cho felt as if her heart were breaking, shattering under the merciless grip of Harry's words.

She didn't fully understand why those simple lines had such a profound effect on her; she didn't even understand what they meant, what was Harry trying to tell her? Why had he sent her this note and why now? It was nearly the end of her school career, only a couple of weeks until she left Hogwarts forever, why now? She'd spent the last year of her life getting over Harry, she'd hoped now she was leaving could really move on…

She wiped her eyes furiously, as if that would wipe away anything she felt for Harry, but the tears still fell intensely, as if trying to drown her in misery. A few of her tears fell on the package with a splash that almost echoed around the previously tranquil dormitory, reminding her that she still had to open the small parcel. She looked momentarily at it, speculating if she could face opening it, no doubt it would pull her even further into this swirling abyss of uncertainty, remorse and anguish. She slowly pulled the brown packing apart letting a small box fall into her lap; she feverishly opened the lid, letting the object inside fall silently to the wooden floor.

Cho gasped in disbelief, surely this wasn't what she thought? Delicately she picked it up with her thumb and forefinger gazing, entranced at its beauty.

It was a single red rose, Of the deepest and most perfect crimson colour, an aura of being freshly picked and yet thousands of years old, it shimmered with ancient magic, more powerful than Cho could imagine. It was the most beautiful flower she had ever seen, the most striking object she had ever set eyes on, she felt honoured to even be in the presence of something filled with such ancient, powerful magic.

This was no ordinary rose. She had never seen one of these enchanted plants before but she had heard and read of them. They were filled with an old, almost forgotten magic that meant they had the power to live forever, untouched, unscathed no matter what. She'd heard tales that said after every great wizarding war since time began, these flowers had always been the only ones to survive, undamaged by great devastation, no evil could break them down, no dark magic could destroy them. Not even Voldemort had found a way through their defences, he had sensed a deep magic inside them which he was desperate to exploit, an enchantment that could perhaps make him immortal as he so greatly wished, but never had he succeeded in breaking through their barriers to the core of their power.

No one knew how they were made, many great wizards had tried to replicate them but none had been victorious. They'd had been in existence for as long as wizarding records could trace but nowhere was there an explanation for how they were made, whether by wizard, by nature or some other paranormal energy.

They were impossibly rare, if found, it was punishable by Azkaban to take them, you couldn't buy or sell them anywhere in the world, no matter how deeply into black-markets you went.

Cho couldn't fathom how Harry had found himself in possession of one of these roses and she couldn't imagine how he must feel about her to give her something so extraordinary. Only a handful of people in the world had one of these roses and no one truly knew who these people were, there had been rumours that only the most powerful wizards in history could posses these beautiful entities. Other stories said that they were an expression of the deepest love held by any witch or wizard, no theories were proven, no pattern to where the roses fell had been established, all anyone really knew was their rarity, astounding majesty and ancient power.

The tears had subsided now, Cho was in shock, she couldn't believe she was holding such an object, she couldn't comprehend how she had come to touch something so exquisite and awe inspiring. She felt almost guilty, a schoolgirl in possession of something with such ancient splendour and power seemed inappropriate almost immoral. And Harry…how had he found such an artefact and of all people why had he chosen to pass it on to her. They'd had a brief relationship during Cho's 6th year and a somewhat cagey and warded friendship this year, tiptoeing around each other, each frightened to get too close and show how they truly felt about the other, nothing they had ever shared seemed enough to warrant such a gift. Cho couldn't imagine a love strong enough for anyone to part with such an article.

Did Harry really love her this much? She had known they both hid feelings from each other, too afraid that another relationship would end more catastrophically than the last, but she couldn't imagine that anyone could feel strongly enough to give this image of perfection away.

She held the rose up to the moonlight, turning it tenderly, observing it from all angles. It really was the most beautiful object she'd ever seen, glimmering in the pale light, it made everything else in the room seem dreary and inconsequential, lacklustre in comparison to this rose. Slowly she replaced the rose in the box and picked up the lid, reluctant to avert her gaze from its majesty. The box was so unadorned and simple, hardly worthy of such an object; she didn't want to put it in such a humble container. But she had no other choice, if she kept it on display, as she so desperately wanted her friends would ask questions, questions Cho couldn't and wouldn't answer.

So she slowly closed the lid and set the box to one side, leaning back against the soft covers of her four-poster, sighing softly. Immense incomprehension engulfed her, all her feelings for Harry dragged from the back of her memory, now prominent in her mind, almost taunting her, how did she really feel about him? Had she always truly loved him and had been hiding from herself recently? Or was it just the implications of this gift that enhanced her feelings? She closed her eyes and took concentrated, steadying breaths, trying to think clearly.

Slowly her mind stopped swirling and she could organise her thoughts, well one thought really, Harry. The image of his face in her mind tugged at something in her heart, trying to tell her something, something Cho was too scared to accept.

To her surprise, Cho felt tears forming in her eyes again, silently coursing from her chocolate brown eyes, it took her a moment to understand why this immense heartache had suddenly overcome her but when it did occur to her she let out a desperate, choked sob, forgetting about her sleeping friends.

The words from the note reverberated painfully in her mind:

_This might be my last chance, to tell you that I love you._

_Here I go again…_

She knew what they meant now…she'd heard them only once before in her life, on a night she'd been spending the past 8 months trying to forget…

After Harry and Cho's first attempt at a relationship they'd spent the few months following the break-up avoiding each other, but fate had pulled them back together and they'd been given a second chance. A blissful few months followed the beginning of their new relationship but cracks had soon appeared. Just 16 weeks after if had begun it ended, devastatingly, dramatically and irreparably one night in the Ravenclaw common room with that song playing in the background, the ironic words dying away as Harry had stormed away from the only girl he'd ever truly loved…

Cho forced herself not to think about that night, trying to control her sobs was difficult enough without reliving those few heart-shattering minutes again.

That note, those words, the lyrics from a song Cho didn't even know the name of. It was Harry's way of saying goodbye…he was gone, and Cho had a feeling this time he wasn't just referring to their relationship…

So it didn't matter did it? What she thought and felt, whether she did love Harry or not was irrelevant, he was gone and she wouldn't have another chance, she'd lost him, whether she wanted him back or not she couldn't and she never would and that was worse than any break-up Cho could envisage.

The psychological agony ripped through Cho like a thousand daggers with only one target…her heart…she sobbed aloud now, gasping and choking on her own tears, overcome with misery. Her eyes closed, picturing Harry's face in her mind's eye, wishing for nothing more than for him to be with her now, a unfathomable desire mixed with the vast suffering in her heart as she struggled for breath through her tears.

Without registering what she was doing, Cho stood up and ran toward the dormitory door, wrenching it open and sprinting down the staircase, through the common room and out of the portrait hole. Her pace quickened, she ran faster than she could remember ever running before, blood pounding in her ears, tears blurring her vision of the corridors she knew like the back of her hand. Within what felt like less than an instant she was in the entrance hall, covering the last couple of hundred meters to the doors, heaving them open with all the force she could muster and sprinting out onto the open grass of the Hogwarts grounds.

Her exhausted leg muscles managed to carry her down the lake shore where she stopped very suddenly and with every last ounce of energy in her body she lifted her head and screamed into the still night air. Releasing every painful, angry, confused, hateful, loving, regretful, longing emotion she felt before falling to the grass and letting the blackness overcome her, in blissful emptiness, her only escape…

_Here I go again…_

_

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Well that's it, let me know if you liked or hated it and whether you think it has potential. I won't be offended by any comments, as I haven't written in a long time so it could easily be terrible, just let me know please. I'll reply to all signed reviews or people who leave an e-mail address.


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